The Lilith: GALAween Edition
Cover art done by Leilah L.
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journey y • Oct 26, 2022 at 10:26 am
Hey, 2022/23 journalists! I was the copy editor on the first lit mag last year and I’m very excited to see what this year produces. Shout-out to Sanaya and Elva for their Halloween stories. Those were my favorites.
Zoe • Oct 25, 2022 at 5:56 pm
So good!
Naomi Huang • Oct 25, 2022 at 11:55 am
I absolutely loved all the pieces, especially “Dear Rin”! Although, it did have some spots that needed fixing.
1. Repetition of sentences. It only happened once, in my understanding, but it was this sentence:
“To be honest, everyone has been ignoring me, not just Rin.” And then in the next paragraph, “It’s the same with everyone else too! They all ignore me and walk away.”
2. Repetition of words. Usually, you don’t want that to happen or it makes your piece feel unnatural, and you want the reader to feel as if they are actually experiencing what’s happening. For example, after the author writes “My best friend Rin” in one sentence to clarify who Rin is, there is another sentence with that same “My best friend Rin”. This is unnecessary as the author has already clarified it. It would have been much more effective to just write “my best friend” or “Rin” in place of it.
3. Unclear sentences. In especially the 2nd paragraph, the sentences start fogging up and I can’t have a clear idea of what is going on. I recommend slowing things down and giving each event its own space, instead of bunching them together.
4. Too many dramatic/fluff words. Sometimes, being dramatic in writing is very effective and there will be a nice effect, but if there are too many of those dramatic words, there may be an unnatural feeling to the piece. Again, you want it to be as real as possible to the reader, even if you are writing a fairytale. You want to make the reader feel that they are in the story themselves. And fluff words (unnecessary, extra) will take up parts of the story that you realize could be used to write the actual thing.
No hate for the author! I just felt that I could maybe help with their weak spots in writing. I realize I still do have a lot to learn too, but hopefully, I helped. If the author sees this, I really did love your piece. The concept of being a ghost after death is fascinating and the author made it very fun to read.
Naomi Huang • Oct 25, 2022 at 11:53 am
I absolutely loved all the pieces, especially “Dear Rin”! Although, it did have some spots that needed fixing.
1. Repetition of sentences. It only happened once, in my understanding, but it was this sentence:
“To be honest, everyone has been ignoring me, not just Rin.” And then in the next paragraph, “It’s the same with everyone else too! They all ignore me and walk away.”
2. Repetition of words. Usually, you don’t want that to happen or it makes your piece feel unnatural, and you want the reader to feel as if they are actually experiencing what’s happening. For example, after the author writes “My best friend Rin” in one sentence to clarify who Rin is, there is another sentence with that same “My best friend Rin”. This is unnecessary as the author has already clarified it. It would have been much more effective to just write “my best friend” or “Rin” in place of it.
3. Unclear sentences. In especially the 2nd paragraph, the sentences start fogging up and I can’t have a clear idea of what is going on. I recommend slowing things down and giving each event its own space, instead of bunching them together.
4. Too many dramatic/fluff words. Sometimes, being dramatic in writing is very effective and there will be a nice effect, but if there are too many of those dramatic words, there may be an unnatural feeling to the piece. Again, you want it to be as real as possible to the reader, even if you are writing a fairytale. You want to make the reader feel that they are in the story themselves. And fluff words (unnecessary, extra) will take up parts of the story that you realize could be used to write the actual thing.
No hate for the author! I just felt that I could maybe help with their weak spots in writing. I realize I still do have a lot to learn too, but hopefully, I helped. If the author sees this, I really did love your piece. The concept of being a ghost after death is fascinating and the author made it very fun to read.
Sunmisola June Adeleye • Oct 25, 2022 at 11:23 am
I just want to say, Dear Rin is great, it is well thought out and well written. Itś dark and morbid, just right for this season. If you are into short horror stories, that have a big plot twist, this is right for you. When Ms. Valera told me that a 6th grader wrote Dear Rin. I was so surprised, props to you Claire this was awesome!
Jessica Valera • Oct 24, 2022 at 2:29 pm
Dear Lilith Staff,
I am beyond proud of you for publishing your first issue this year! Congratulations!
Love, Ms. Valera